he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
