Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You ate ashes out of my bong
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
