did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
