Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
