i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize