So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
