Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
