Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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