dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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