im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
