No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize