remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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