and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
