Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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