his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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