Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
