was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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