I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
