Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He called his prostate his "boner button".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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