Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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