you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The uberlube is also flammable
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
