i already hear my dad disowning me
thus making me awesome and them whores
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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