I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
