If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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