Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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