look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
