um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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