If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
