Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
