it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
