my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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