I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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