I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
