Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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