I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
