No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
