it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
