I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
