sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
