lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
