I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
