piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
