I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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