end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
