Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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