Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can text with my tongue
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize