Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I looked at my own cervix.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
