I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
