so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
