i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
