If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
