I am in a vortex of obligation.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
