i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
