I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
false alarm. still invincible.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Everyone says I win the strip club
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
