im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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