just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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