just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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