I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
