It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
