Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
3 2 1 whiskey
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
