i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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