i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
