she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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