Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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