Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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