Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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