We won't sleep together?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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