I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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