what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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