Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
