i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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