I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
