so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
