oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
