Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
