i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize