# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
