Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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