Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
