dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
