It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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