3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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