Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
