I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Randomize
