Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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