So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
