it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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