i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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