I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The ass gains better be worth it
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