nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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