I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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