Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
