I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
