the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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