I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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