Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize