Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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