I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
