I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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