Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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