Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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