two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
