I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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