Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
