I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize