once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
