i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
where does the pee come out of this thing
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
