am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize