I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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