I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
