Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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