That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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