you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
