I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
