She's JV to your varsity
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize