My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
