I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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