Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
