Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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