Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
