You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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