So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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