Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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