New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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