Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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