i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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