Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
