wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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